Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Happy anniversary to me, and Jim. However, he's been out of town since Monday and won't be home until tomorrow. Twenty-six years ago today over a hundred people gathered in beautiful Nelson, BC, to witness our vows. We were young (some say cradle robbers! :P) but believed that we had the love that would stand the test of time. Would you say--after 26 years--that we've proved that?

Yes and no. We have friends who would have been celebrating 25 in November, but just this year things have come apart at the seams. We know others, too, who have reached this milestone and beyond--up to 40+ years--and decided that they didn't love each other any more. Seeing this happen to our good friends causes us to ask questions. Why are we okay when they're not? What have we done differently? Does it make a difference? And hey, we ARE okay, aren't we?

We've had ups and downs. Days I looked at him and thought, "What on earth did I get myself in for?" I'm under no illusions he hasn't thought the same from time to time! Nights I cried because there was no way out but through (over 20 years ago now, thank God, and I don't say that flippantly).

We're Christians. We believe in commitment to God and each other. That's not the answer though, at least not fully. Plenty of Christians divorce. Plenty of non-Christians don't. So what is the answer?

I don't know. We've made the choice that we will stay together. That *out* isn't an option. Please understand, there are people who have very good reasons for getting out, but we aren't one (or two) of them.

I heard on the radio this morning that August 30 is the most common breakup day in North America, closely followed by I-can't-remember-which day in late December. Today, however, is the day we choose to celebrate togetherness. Or we would, if we were together. Hmm. We'll go out for dinner on the weekend. I'm okay; I can wait!


Margaret said...

Congrats and hugs. I think all real marriages go through those questions. Just think of it this way: are you exactly the same people you were when you joined lives? I'd guess not. So there have to be adjustments as you grow and change. That you've chosen to weather the rough spots and enjoy the ones where change makes you stronger is a wonderful thing.

And yeah, it was a little stunning when I realized that my hubby and I have been together (not married though) for half my lifetime.

Enjoy your celebration this weekend.


Mirtika said...

FELICIDADES!!! Making it to 26 is certainly an accomplishment in our era, one of so many broken marriages, even in the church family.

I've been married 23 years (you got us beat by a bit), and I still look at my husband and think I'm the luckiest woman on earth to be loved by him and to be able to love him back. We still croon and snuggle and call each other silly names and rather be with each other than anyone on the planet.
For whatever reason, the goofy lovey-dovey vibe is still there.

What's better is that the trust is strong. I trust him more than anyone. I love him more than anyone. And I pray that I'll die with him, cause surviving him sounds worse than, well, anything short of protracted torture by Islamic radicals.

I hope you guys hang strong for a lifetime, and you'll be posting as an old lady about how cool your hubby is.


Mirtika said...

I'm guessing end of August is the big break-up day cause teens go off to college or grown-ups come back from vacations, and things end as new things (new jobs, college) begins.

Or maybe the heat gets to them.


Valerie Comer said...

Mar and Mir, thanks for the congrats! And yes, Mir, the end of summer romances was cited as one of the reasons that August 30 is The Breakup Day. It didn't mean marriage breakup so much as relationship breakup.

Jean said...

Congratulations! Marriage is a challenge, but it has joys as well. Commitment is key -- as is realizing that nothing stays the same, and rough spots in the road are temporary.

Enjoy your celebration when Jim gets home. Hubby is coming here for the weekend, and it will be the last time we'll see each other before Christmas. That reminds me, maybe we should celebrate our 12th six weeks early...while we can do it together.

Valerie Comer said...

Yes, Jean, I would recommend celebrating together even if it isn't the actual date! LOL.

Hanna said...

hooray! you can't be cradle robbers if you both do it! Although the old guys at work keep telling to stop leading that young boy on and find a more mature man (ie, them :P)

S William said...

My mother-in-law left my father-in-law by leaving note on Christmas morning 3 years ago. Talk about traumatic.

EJ said...

Happy anniversary, Val and Jim!

We'll have 19 done the end of next month. My step-sister, on the other hand, is separated for the third time and she's 6 years younger than me! It's hard to say what makes people stay together. Both my parents and Eric's divorced, but they weren't Christians at the time. I liked your 'no way out but through' comment. When times get tough with Eric and me, the stubborn kicks in and somehow we've managed to get through so far. I think part of it is knowing to ask "Are we ok?" and having the courage to fix things while they're small. (Fix the leak, not the damage after the pipe breaks!)

lindaruth said...

Congratulations! I know what you mean about seeing people who have been married as long, or longer, who split up. A couple that we've known since college divorced last year after almost 27 years of marriage. It boggles the mind. We'll celebrate 29 years in January -- and I wouldn't trade him for anything. (though if there was enough cash upfront ... nah!) I think the hard times make the good times sweeter. :)