Some stories are bigger on conflict than others. But whether you're writing action-adventure or relationship stories, there had better be conflict. I'm one who avoids it like the plague in real life, so I've had to learn to enjoy inflicting it on my characters. I like nice people, but stories have to be populated with the less than perfect to be of any interest. I'm curious why this is so--why we are bored stiff reading about the kind of people we want our kids to turn out like? And yet it's true--stories without conflict don't catch hold of the reader and propel him or her to the other end like a rocket launcher.
Conflict doesn't have to be big stuff. There doesn't have to be a dead body on every page to keep momentum. In fact, that's the kind of conflict that will turn me off, as a reader. Not everyone, of course. Conflict can be as small as characters arguing over what's for dinner. I think the main thing is that the minor conflicts need to play into the major conflicts. Why are the characters arguing over dinner? Is it a symptom of a problem in the relationship? A refusal of one to acknowledge the life-threatening allergies of the other? Or something else? Because honestly, if *what's for dinner* makes no difference to the growth of the characters or to the main story plotline, it doesn't work as a source of conflict.
Sure, it allows the maxim of conflict on every page to be fulfilled, but a novel is more than random conflict. They have to build and intertwine and matter to one another. If the conflict is merely an irritant and doesn't actually matter, it isn't the kind of conflict they're talking about here.
In the same way, if the characters keep tripping over dead bodies, the story had better be about the dead bodies. They'd better not be in there to represent conflict unless it matters to the story's plot line. There's lots more to writing a novel than stringing 100,000 words together. Even pretty words. Or gritty words. They need to be more than loosely related vignettes, at least in genre writing.
That's my thought for tonight!
Showing posts with label analysis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label analysis. Show all posts
Monday, March 30, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Pern novels
In response to my MICE post on Sunday, I said I wondered if Anne McCaffrey's Pern series had come about from a milieu (setting) spark, so I wandered over to her website and found the answer in her FAQ posts. Here's what she says:
Guess that answers that. Pern started out as an idea series, not milieu.
Back in 1967, I was sitting in my living room in Sea Cliff, Long Island, wondering what sort of creatures I could use in my next story. Since S-F is a “what-if” form of fiction, I suddenly wondered, “what if dragons were the good guys?” Then I had to develop a planet which needed a renewable airforce against some unknown menace and came up with Pern, dragons, Thread and humans who Impressed a hatchling in a lifelong symbiotic relationship. Rather wonderful to have an intelligent partner that loves you unconditionally. Who wouldn’t like a forty-foot telepathic dragon as their best friend? By the time my (then) children got home from school, I knew how it would all start: “Lessa woke cold.” I finished Weyr Search by summer and John W. Campbell bought it immediately for ANALOG Magazine and asked me to do more stories about Pern.
Guess that answers that. Pern started out as an idea series, not milieu.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
MICE
Ha, I bet that got your attention! I'm talking about Orson Scott Card's four-cornered story foundation, not four-legged cat food.
MICE stands for: Mileu (or setting), Idea, Character, and Event. Novels need to have all of these in place to be a well-rounded story. (I'd like to say they'd have to have all four to be on a store shelf, but I'm sure someone could point to an example of a book that doesn't!)
What I'm curious about these days is: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The rage these days is for character-driven stories. Trust me, I totally understand that. I like nothing more than to get right in there in characters' heads and experience life through them. It's why I prefer novels in tight third POV or even in first to pretty much anything in omniscient.
But is it necessary to have the character appear in the writers' mind first for the story to be character-driven? I'd like to think that, no matter what the starting point, an experienced writer can pull all the parts of MICE together seamlessly so that it isn't obvious to the reader where the story came from originally.
That said, I tend to come up with ideas first, then audition characters to find the ones who'd like to explore my ideas. What comes first in your mind?
MICE stands for: Mileu (or setting), Idea, Character, and Event. Novels need to have all of these in place to be a well-rounded story. (I'd like to say they'd have to have all four to be on a store shelf, but I'm sure someone could point to an example of a book that doesn't!)
What I'm curious about these days is: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The rage these days is for character-driven stories. Trust me, I totally understand that. I like nothing more than to get right in there in characters' heads and experience life through them. It's why I prefer novels in tight third POV or even in first to pretty much anything in omniscient.
But is it necessary to have the character appear in the writers' mind first for the story to be character-driven? I'd like to think that, no matter what the starting point, an experienced writer can pull all the parts of MICE together seamlessly so that it isn't obvious to the reader where the story came from originally.
That said, I tend to come up with ideas first, then audition characters to find the ones who'd like to explore my ideas. What comes first in your mind?
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Story Math
So the original romance novel that I wrote during NaNo was about 54,000 words. The market I'm aiming for is 55-60K. I threw out a bunch of scenes and added new ones. Apparently they are longer ones!
Today I discovered that, at 38K, I've reached the half-way point of my printed-out copy of the original draft. Kinda scares me. I can't afford this book to come in at 76,000! I'm on scene 25 of 53, which seems to tell me about the same thing, lengthwise.
On the other hand, half of the original length is 27K, so if I add 27 (what's LEFT to rewrite) to the current 38, I get 65, which should be much easier to whittle down to 60 than 76 would be.
I'm always on the other end of this stick, trying to lengthen without padding! It's new to be worried about over-length. However I slice it, though, I have a whole bunch of words to go, so I refuse to sweat about it this week. When I actually get through Scene # 53 is when I'll figure out a plan of attack.
I'm still on target for finishing this pass by the end of March, unless it really does turn out to be 76... Nah. I'm NOT going to worry about that today.
I'm not.
Still, that's kinda long, isn't it?
Today I discovered that, at 38K, I've reached the half-way point of my printed-out copy of the original draft. Kinda scares me. I can't afford this book to come in at 76,000! I'm on scene 25 of 53, which seems to tell me about the same thing, lengthwise.
On the other hand, half of the original length is 27K, so if I add 27 (what's LEFT to rewrite) to the current 38, I get 65, which should be much easier to whittle down to 60 than 76 would be.
I'm always on the other end of this stick, trying to lengthen without padding! It's new to be worried about over-length. However I slice it, though, I have a whole bunch of words to go, so I refuse to sweat about it this week. When I actually get through Scene # 53 is when I'll figure out a plan of attack.
I'm still on target for finishing this pass by the end of March, unless it really does turn out to be 76... Nah. I'm NOT going to worry about that today.
I'm not.
Still, that's kinda long, isn't it?
Saturday, January 31, 2009
How Writing Changes
I wrote a contemporary inspirational romance novel a few years ago, for NaNo 2005. I promptly pushed it off to the side and proceeded on my merry way playing with fantasy novels and ideas again, but the story resurfaced about a year ago when I was chatting with my friend Jean. I snippeted her a few bits and then she read the whole thing. The first draft, scary thought. And said nice things. (Not ONLY nice things, mind, but included them).
Through that the idea of revising and shaping up this story took hold, though certainly not to the exclusion of anything else, lol. I played with it a bit at the time, but soon came to realize the problems were deeper than I'd thought at first and set it aside again.
So, the other day I printed out the whole thing and began to read through, making brief notes on every scene. Along about fifty pages in, the note for one scene was simply a large X and "delete." And for the next scene, I scrawled across the page, "Seriously?" I'd found a few really good bits (the ones I'd first shared with Jean!) but way more dross. A LOT of dross.
I sat back in my chair and thought about the characters, their kids, their issues. She's too nice, I thought. She takes monumental stuff totally in stride. Superwoman! Okay, so it's official. She needs a makeover. I began mulling over *logical* makeovers that would tweak things but not necessitate ALL new scenes!
After a few minutes, I turned my attention to the hero. Also a pretty good guy. Slightly less perfect than the heroine, but nothing that really qualifies as a character flaw. A little case of temper, perhaps, would go a long way. Or maybe...
In just over three years, my writing style has changed a lot. I've learned to characterize much better (even my stupid whiny hero from Tempest has more personal issues than these folks). And I've learned to get much deeper into point-of-view. Quite a bit I've done since then has been in first person, which helps with the deeper, but the potential markets for this romance novel want third.
Even in third, this main character thinks too much! So the first thing is to bring someone directly into that opening paragraph/scene so she can TALK about stuff instead of THINK about it. The meeting with the hero later in the scene is reasonably okay as is. She shouldn't tell him all this stuff yet. But she needs a new best friend to bounce issues off of.
I've set aside the month of February to hit this novel and bring it into line. I'd like to think I could do it all in one month--after all, I wrote the entire 52K in one November!--but I'm thinking it may take a little longer. Hopefully not a lot longer, though. Maybe six weeks? Two months tops.
I'm reworking character profiles as we speak, and I still need to mine the previous manuscript for more good stuff to carry over. It's in there. The bones are decent, and worth rebuilding from.
If you're wondering why I'm not writing either Tempest or Dottie these days, the answer simply is that I'm not. Though I've been poking at Dottie recently and getting good ideas of how things need to proceed. One thing her story does not suffer from is weak characterization. The novel is populated with true individuals and they agree on very little. Lots of fun sparks. I'm stopping short of calling Tempest dead. But she's on life support, which is sad as it is some of my strongest writing thus far. One day the answers to my questions about her will erupt in my mind and she'll hit the road running again. I hope.
Through that the idea of revising and shaping up this story took hold, though certainly not to the exclusion of anything else, lol. I played with it a bit at the time, but soon came to realize the problems were deeper than I'd thought at first and set it aside again.
So, the other day I printed out the whole thing and began to read through, making brief notes on every scene. Along about fifty pages in, the note for one scene was simply a large X and "delete." And for the next scene, I scrawled across the page, "Seriously?" I'd found a few really good bits (the ones I'd first shared with Jean!) but way more dross. A LOT of dross.
I sat back in my chair and thought about the characters, their kids, their issues. She's too nice, I thought. She takes monumental stuff totally in stride. Superwoman! Okay, so it's official. She needs a makeover. I began mulling over *logical* makeovers that would tweak things but not necessitate ALL new scenes!
After a few minutes, I turned my attention to the hero. Also a pretty good guy. Slightly less perfect than the heroine, but nothing that really qualifies as a character flaw. A little case of temper, perhaps, would go a long way. Or maybe...
In just over three years, my writing style has changed a lot. I've learned to characterize much better (even my stupid whiny hero from Tempest has more personal issues than these folks). And I've learned to get much deeper into point-of-view. Quite a bit I've done since then has been in first person, which helps with the deeper, but the potential markets for this romance novel want third.
Even in third, this main character thinks too much! So the first thing is to bring someone directly into that opening paragraph/scene so she can TALK about stuff instead of THINK about it. The meeting with the hero later in the scene is reasonably okay as is. She shouldn't tell him all this stuff yet. But she needs a new best friend to bounce issues off of.
I've set aside the month of February to hit this novel and bring it into line. I'd like to think I could do it all in one month--after all, I wrote the entire 52K in one November!--but I'm thinking it may take a little longer. Hopefully not a lot longer, though. Maybe six weeks? Two months tops.
I'm reworking character profiles as we speak, and I still need to mine the previous manuscript for more good stuff to carry over. It's in there. The bones are decent, and worth rebuilding from.
If you're wondering why I'm not writing either Tempest or Dottie these days, the answer simply is that I'm not. Though I've been poking at Dottie recently and getting good ideas of how things need to proceed. One thing her story does not suffer from is weak characterization. The novel is populated with true individuals and they agree on very little. Lots of fun sparks. I'm stopping short of calling Tempest dead. But she's on life support, which is sad as it is some of my strongest writing thus far. One day the answers to my questions about her will erupt in my mind and she'll hit the road running again. I hope.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Looking back at 2008
In the spirit of entertainment, I revisited my goals for 2008. In summary, I hoped to:
1. Keep sending out Marks of Repentance (now renamed Majai's Fury). After awhile, analyze whether the novel and/or the query package need another revision.
2. Complete revision of Quest to be Queen, get it out to critters and hopefully into submission in 2008.
3. Revise the opening chapters to Chloe's story (romance) and The Girl Who Cried Squid and submit both to the Genesis contest in April.
4. Revise both novels, send to critters.
5. Write something. Maybe two somethings.
6. Keep critting
7. Keep up with moderator duties at Forward Motion
How did I do?
1. I did keep sending out MF, but not nearly as much as I could/should have.
2. I completed the revision of QtBQ, sent it out to critters, and now have more work to do on it.
3. Of the two openings I planned to enter in Genesis in '08, I only entered one (TGWCS), but I did place third in my category for it.
4. But did not revise it.
5. Did not write two somethings or even one something. I did make reasonable progress on two separate projects, though, so I'll pretend that counts!
6. Critting? Well, that depends on my buddies having novels to swap. This year I critted two of them.
7. Mod duties at FM grew this year with the addition of the highly successful workshop program.
But in reality, many of the highlights of 2008 for me weren't related to my writing dreams, although some certainly were. The best things about 2008?
1. My hubby getting a local job again after 2.5 years of the nasty commute to his four-on, four-off job at the coal mines.
2. A two-day writing seminar in Couer d'Alene, Idaho, in April with Randy Ingermanson and my two new buddies, Bonne and Viv.
3. A great *Girls* trip to Victoria in May with my daughter and daughter-in-law. Even though the car broke down.
4. My daughter and son-in-law spending four months with us this summer--an unexpected but wonderful interlude.
5. A puppy, Brody. Some days he's not the best thing ever, but some days he is.
6. My walking buddies at Walking to Somewhere, with whom I have (virtually) logged over 1200 miles, and for my husband and the pup, who have been my real companions for many of those miles!
7. As part of the local hikes, we explored a lot of our local area and discovered some of the history with the native pictographs, etc, and got started in geocaching.
8. Placing third in the Genesis contest with the opening pages of my novel, The Girl Who Cried Squid.
9. My in-laws' celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in September, which was a great excuse for a family party and a time to honor them.
10. A great one-week trip to Lake Tahoe with Margaret in December, with lots of hiking and laughing.
11. Spending Christmas in Victoria with our kids and their spouses, spending great family time together. And surviving the nasty roads to and from.
12. No major flare-ups of degenerative disc this entire year!!!
That's a pretty spur-of-the-moment list, but definitely things I've been thankful for this year.
What are the highlights of 2008 in YOUR little worlds? Let me know if you've posted a list or recap!
1. Keep sending out Marks of Repentance (now renamed Majai's Fury). After awhile, analyze whether the novel and/or the query package need another revision.
2. Complete revision of Quest to be Queen, get it out to critters and hopefully into submission in 2008.
3. Revise the opening chapters to Chloe's story (romance) and The Girl Who Cried Squid and submit both to the Genesis contest in April.
4. Revise both novels, send to critters.
5. Write something. Maybe two somethings.
6. Keep critting
7. Keep up with moderator duties at Forward Motion
How did I do?
1. I did keep sending out MF, but not nearly as much as I could/should have.
2. I completed the revision of QtBQ, sent it out to critters, and now have more work to do on it.
3. Of the two openings I planned to enter in Genesis in '08, I only entered one (TGWCS), but I did place third in my category for it.
4. But did not revise it.
5. Did not write two somethings or even one something. I did make reasonable progress on two separate projects, though, so I'll pretend that counts!
6. Critting? Well, that depends on my buddies having novels to swap. This year I critted two of them.
7. Mod duties at FM grew this year with the addition of the highly successful workshop program.
But in reality, many of the highlights of 2008 for me weren't related to my writing dreams, although some certainly were. The best things about 2008?
1. My hubby getting a local job again after 2.5 years of the nasty commute to his four-on, four-off job at the coal mines.
2. A two-day writing seminar in Couer d'Alene, Idaho, in April with Randy Ingermanson and my two new buddies, Bonne and Viv.
3. A great *Girls* trip to Victoria in May with my daughter and daughter-in-law. Even though the car broke down.
4. My daughter and son-in-law spending four months with us this summer--an unexpected but wonderful interlude.
5. A puppy, Brody. Some days he's not the best thing ever, but some days he is.
6. My walking buddies at Walking to Somewhere, with whom I have (virtually) logged over 1200 miles, and for my husband and the pup, who have been my real companions for many of those miles!
7. As part of the local hikes, we explored a lot of our local area and discovered some of the history with the native pictographs, etc, and got started in geocaching.
8. Placing third in the Genesis contest with the opening pages of my novel, The Girl Who Cried Squid.
9. My in-laws' celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in September, which was a great excuse for a family party and a time to honor them.
10. A great one-week trip to Lake Tahoe with Margaret in December, with lots of hiking and laughing.
11. Spending Christmas in Victoria with our kids and their spouses, spending great family time together. And surviving the nasty roads to and from.
12. No major flare-ups of degenerative disc this entire year!!!
That's a pretty spur-of-the-moment list, but definitely things I've been thankful for this year.
What are the highlights of 2008 in YOUR little worlds? Let me know if you've posted a list or recap!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Re-re-replotting
Does this happen to anyone but me? Every single time I feel like I'm home free, that I have a solid outline and am confident that the story from here on in makes sense, I hit a wall.
Every. Single. Time.
I'm writing a structured novel, which is likely a mistake to start with. Every chapter has three scenes, two from Tempest's viewpoint, and one from Aben's. They start out the story in the same location, and will (I think!) end it there. But in between, the threads are somewhat independent.
This means that two independent story lines must both have a similar amount going on, similar amounts of tension and disasters. It's hard to keep this balanced. Today I got to the next scene of Aben's in the outline, and it's horrible. Not only that, but he's practically treading water for the next few chapters waiting for the big slide into the inevitable that signals the beginning of the end.
My first impulse is to just write him out of the story. You know, drown him or something. But it's kinda hard to have romantic fantasy without the male lead character, and besides, the story has plenty of tragedy already. I think the boy needs to live. (Probably unmaimed...though that gives an idea...)
So I pulled out Holly Lisle's Create a Plot Clinic. She's got it laid out in three main sections: Plotting Before Writing, Plotting While Writing, and Plotting While Revising.
Clearly I need the middle one. I open it and read this:
Yep. Holly has pretty much nailed where I'm at. I have a few glimmerings of ideas but nothing that looks concrete. In fact, my thoughts at the moment are quite will'o'wisp. When I look straight at them, there's nothing there, but if I look sideways, pretending I don't care, there is *almost* something over there.
Back to reading the plot clinic. Hopefully something will coax those will'o'wisp thoughts out where they can be scrutinized.
Every. Single. Time.
I'm writing a structured novel, which is likely a mistake to start with. Every chapter has three scenes, two from Tempest's viewpoint, and one from Aben's. They start out the story in the same location, and will (I think!) end it there. But in between, the threads are somewhat independent.
This means that two independent story lines must both have a similar amount going on, similar amounts of tension and disasters. It's hard to keep this balanced. Today I got to the next scene of Aben's in the outline, and it's horrible. Not only that, but he's practically treading water for the next few chapters waiting for the big slide into the inevitable that signals the beginning of the end.
My first impulse is to just write him out of the story. You know, drown him or something. But it's kinda hard to have romantic fantasy without the male lead character, and besides, the story has plenty of tragedy already. I think the boy needs to live. (Probably unmaimed...though that gives an idea...)
So I pulled out Holly Lisle's Create a Plot Clinic. She's got it laid out in three main sections: Plotting Before Writing, Plotting While Writing, and Plotting While Revising.
Clearly I need the middle one. I open it and read this:
This is the most common scenario. You're somewhere in the middle of the writing and you hit a bad plot card. It sounded like a great idea at the time, or maybe it only sounded like an iffy idea at the time but you put it in there anyway, confident that when you got to it, you'd be so into the story that you could make it work. Only now you and your Muse look at each other and go, "Uh-uh. Not gonna do it."
Yep. Holly has pretty much nailed where I'm at. I have a few glimmerings of ideas but nothing that looks concrete. In fact, my thoughts at the moment are quite will'o'wisp. When I look straight at them, there's nothing there, but if I look sideways, pretending I don't care, there is *almost* something over there.
Back to reading the plot clinic. Hopefully something will coax those will'o'wisp thoughts out where they can be scrutinized.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Tropes in Story Telling
According to Wikipedia, a literary trope is a common pattern in literature. In fantasy novels, oft-used tropes include good triumphing over evil (often represented by a Dark Lord). Quests are a common trope as well. Also the poor unknown who turns out to be Royalty and saves the day when they figure it out. Magical items and prophecies tend to be important in a lot of fantasies as well.
I've been thinking of another one, but I don't know if it has a name. I can think of a number of examples of it, though.
Here are some of the elements: a person--often a child--always misunderstood, sometimes orphaned. This person has a special ability that they don't know about until Something Happens and they are whisked off to a wonderful place where they learn about this special ability and end up being part of something very important in saving their world as they know it. In fact, the world couldn't be saved without them.
Examples? Well, Harry Potter comes to mind as the most recent/ well known. But the trope is much older than that. Anne McCaffrey used it several times that I can recall: Lessa and Menolly in the Pern novels, Peter Redinger and the Rowan in the Pegasus series.
Mercedes Lackey uses it at least three times in the Valdemar series: Talia in the Arrows of the Queen trilogy, Darian in the Owl trilogy, and Mags in the new Foundation novel.
Holly Lisle's very first novel plays off this trope with the character Faia in Fire in the Mist.
I'm sure there are dozens more--probably more of them that I've read and just can't remember the pattern at the moment, plus doubtless many I haven't read.
This trope might be most common in fantasy, but I'm not sure. I don't read a lot else. I do know that The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett fits it to a lesser degree. The world that little Mary saves is much smaller than all of Pern or Valdemar, but it is very significant to her.
What's so universal about this trope? I'm guessing that many of us have felt misunderstood and alone. If we were honest, I'm sure we've daydreamed about Something Happening and we could make a huge difference in our world. Wouldn't everybody wish they'd treated us better then?
What's your favorite trope? Or do you have any other examples of the one above? What about it appeals to you?
I've been thinking of another one, but I don't know if it has a name. I can think of a number of examples of it, though.
Here are some of the elements: a person--often a child--always misunderstood, sometimes orphaned. This person has a special ability that they don't know about until Something Happens and they are whisked off to a wonderful place where they learn about this special ability and end up being part of something very important in saving their world as they know it. In fact, the world couldn't be saved without them.
Examples? Well, Harry Potter comes to mind as the most recent/ well known. But the trope is much older than that. Anne McCaffrey used it several times that I can recall: Lessa and Menolly in the Pern novels, Peter Redinger and the Rowan in the Pegasus series.
Mercedes Lackey uses it at least three times in the Valdemar series: Talia in the Arrows of the Queen trilogy, Darian in the Owl trilogy, and Mags in the new Foundation novel.
Holly Lisle's very first novel plays off this trope with the character Faia in Fire in the Mist.
I'm sure there are dozens more--probably more of them that I've read and just can't remember the pattern at the moment, plus doubtless many I haven't read.
This trope might be most common in fantasy, but I'm not sure. I don't read a lot else. I do know that The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett fits it to a lesser degree. The world that little Mary saves is much smaller than all of Pern or Valdemar, but it is very significant to her.
What's so universal about this trope? I'm guessing that many of us have felt misunderstood and alone. If we were honest, I'm sure we've daydreamed about Something Happening and we could make a huge difference in our world. Wouldn't everybody wish they'd treated us better then?
What's your favorite trope? Or do you have any other examples of the one above? What about it appeals to you?
Monday, January 14, 2008
Point of View Issues
I've begun prepping a workshop for Forward Motion about the issues writers face with viewpoint characters: how to pick them and how to choose the point of view style that best suits the story. In February we'll be exploring possibilities with a variety of hands-on exercises.
Meanwhile, I've been reading on the topic to prime the pump. Two renowned how-to books are Characters & Viewpoint by Orson Scott Card and Characters, Emotion & Viewpoint by Nancy Kress. I've also found a few articles on the internet. One of these is Time and First Person by Holly Lisle.
I read Holly's article for the first time last week and found it mildly interesting. She speaks in it of some of the issues she faced writing Talyn in first person. She talks about making a choice as to when in the future Talyn is telling her story from. When I first read this contemplation, I admit I didn't *get it*. I decided that Holly was over-thinking the problem but that obviously she'd done a fine job with her choices, because I loved the novel and the way she told it (alternative first person from Talyn and third person from Gair).
Today I edited the first scene of my 2006 nano novel, The Girl Who Cried Squid, which is the only novel I've written in first person. And today I *got* Holly's article.
Krin is telling her story in past tense, telling us what she did and thought and said on the day the story started. And all of a sudden--a couple of pages in--I noticed that she describes her village in present tense. I frowned. Point of view slippage? I'm usually pretty tight. I thought about it for a few minutes and decided that in the *when* Krin was telling the story from, the village was just the same as it had been the night her adventures began. It hadn't changed significantly. So it's accurate for her to tell us where Bevedar IS, for example, not where it WAS.
Suddenly Holly's article made a great deal more sense! I hadn't made a conscious decision to blend tenses. In the heat of nano Day One I just wrote the thing how it came out. But now I see that Krin isn't telling us this story from a rocking chair in her old age. She's telling it to us from a point not far in the future from the end of the novel.
Once I had contemplated the description of her village, I decided to leave it in present tense and moved on to another paragraph. Lo and behold. That description was not an isolated issue! I went back to the very first paragraph which in unedited first draft read like this:
Notice that everything is in past tense except I can't dance. Why? When she tells this story later on, she still can't. It's important to the story, and it doesn't change.
There were several other instances in the opening scene of about 1700 words where I *slipped* tense. I changed a couple of them, reworded some sentences so they blended better, and left a few standing. It's possible I may have to defend my choice to critters down the line--perhaps even to an agent or editor. But thanks to Holly's article and the fact that I'm writing up this workshop and thus analyzing pov issues, I understand now what my subconscious was doing in November 2006.
Meanwhile, I've been reading on the topic to prime the pump. Two renowned how-to books are Characters & Viewpoint by Orson Scott Card and Characters, Emotion & Viewpoint by Nancy Kress. I've also found a few articles on the internet. One of these is Time and First Person by Holly Lisle.
I read Holly's article for the first time last week and found it mildly interesting. She speaks in it of some of the issues she faced writing Talyn in first person. She talks about making a choice as to when in the future Talyn is telling her story from. When I first read this contemplation, I admit I didn't *get it*. I decided that Holly was over-thinking the problem but that obviously she'd done a fine job with her choices, because I loved the novel and the way she told it (alternative first person from Talyn and third person from Gair).
Today I edited the first scene of my 2006 nano novel, The Girl Who Cried Squid, which is the only novel I've written in first person. And today I *got* Holly's article.
Krin is telling her story in past tense, telling us what she did and thought and said on the day the story started. And all of a sudden--a couple of pages in--I noticed that she describes her village in present tense. I frowned. Point of view slippage? I'm usually pretty tight. I thought about it for a few minutes and decided that in the *when* Krin was telling the story from, the village was just the same as it had been the night her adventures began. It hadn't changed significantly. So it's accurate for her to tell us where Bevedar IS, for example, not where it WAS.
Suddenly Holly's article made a great deal more sense! I hadn't made a conscious decision to blend tenses. In the heat of nano Day One I just wrote the thing how it came out. But now I see that Krin isn't telling us this story from a rocking chair in her old age. She's telling it to us from a point not far in the future from the end of the novel.
Once I had contemplated the description of her village, I decided to leave it in present tense and moved on to another paragraph. Lo and behold. That description was not an isolated issue! I went back to the very first paragraph which in unedited first draft read like this:
Mama and Papa were of two minds about the dance, which is why I went. Besides, everyone who mattered would be there and even though I can't dance worth a seashell, I couldn't very well skip it, could I?
Notice that everything is in past tense except I can't dance. Why? When she tells this story later on, she still can't. It's important to the story, and it doesn't change.
There were several other instances in the opening scene of about 1700 words where I *slipped* tense. I changed a couple of them, reworded some sentences so they blended better, and left a few standing. It's possible I may have to defend my choice to critters down the line--perhaps even to an agent or editor. But thanks to Holly's article and the fact that I'm writing up this workshop and thus analyzing pov issues, I understand now what my subconscious was doing in November 2006.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Methods of Revision
My friend Margaret is running an intensive workshop at Forward Motion this month about the use of an outline for revising a novel (or short story).
I decided to begin work on my 2006 Nano, The Girl Who Cried Squid to take advantage of the workshop, so I've been spending time beginning the analysis of the novel's structure and how the subplots tie into the main plot. This kind of thinking hurts my head. I'm not sure why. I don't know if the whole story comes into my mind with such a whoosh (don't I wish!) that it doesn't seem to have parts, or if I'm just darn good at weaving in the subplots so well that the main plot can't stand up without them. Either way, it's hard to separate out the parts and look at them objectively.
After the revision of Marks took me the majority of last year, it occurs to me that there might be an easier way to do things. Or at least a way that keeps better track of where I've been and where I'm going. So this time around I'm trying Mar's way. I suppose it would be an improvement if I got most of the headaches out of the way at the beginning!
That's not to say I'm ignoring Quest to be Queen. That edit remains my top current priority, and I've processed nearly 7K so far this week.
I'm curious. How do you revise things? How much do you analyze and plan? Or do you just jump in and hope for the best? And how does that relate to how you wrote the story in the first place?
I decided to begin work on my 2006 Nano, The Girl Who Cried Squid to take advantage of the workshop, so I've been spending time beginning the analysis of the novel's structure and how the subplots tie into the main plot. This kind of thinking hurts my head. I'm not sure why. I don't know if the whole story comes into my mind with such a whoosh (don't I wish!) that it doesn't seem to have parts, or if I'm just darn good at weaving in the subplots so well that the main plot can't stand up without them. Either way, it's hard to separate out the parts and look at them objectively.
After the revision of Marks took me the majority of last year, it occurs to me that there might be an easier way to do things. Or at least a way that keeps better track of where I've been and where I'm going. So this time around I'm trying Mar's way. I suppose it would be an improvement if I got most of the headaches out of the way at the beginning!
That's not to say I'm ignoring Quest to be Queen. That edit remains my top current priority, and I've processed nearly 7K so far this week.
I'm curious. How do you revise things? How much do you analyze and plan? Or do you just jump in and hope for the best? And how does that relate to how you wrote the story in the first place?
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Goals for 2008
I went hunting my blog for my 2007 writing goals so that I could have a good laugh. It worked! The complete list is here.
To sum up, I thought I would :
What of that did I actually accomplish?
1. I set aside the revision pass of Quest to be Queen and started back at it in November of '07. It isn't quite done.
2. The only thing on the list I actually completed! Marks of Repentance did, in fact, get revised. It took nine months, but I did complete a pass! It finaled in a contest and is currently out at another one, so I guess you could say I *kicked it out the door*.
3. Write something? Not so much.
4. Revise something else? Not so much.
5. Recipe book project? Decided it wasn't my passion and shelved it.
Yikes.
In the spirit of providing amusement to us all again in twelve months, what are my plans for 2008?
To sum up, I thought I would :
1. Finish this revision pass on Quest to be Queen.
2. Complete one (or, if needed, two) passes on Marks of Repentance and GET THE THING KICKED OUT THE DOOR!
3. Write something. Maybe two somethings.
4. Revise something else if time permits. Squid?
5. Work on the recipe book project.
What of that did I actually accomplish?
1. I set aside the revision pass of Quest to be Queen and started back at it in November of '07. It isn't quite done.
2. The only thing on the list I actually completed! Marks of Repentance did, in fact, get revised. It took nine months, but I did complete a pass! It finaled in a contest and is currently out at another one, so I guess you could say I *kicked it out the door*.
3. Write something? Not so much.
4. Revise something else? Not so much.
5. Recipe book project? Decided it wasn't my passion and shelved it.
Yikes.
In the spirit of providing amusement to us all again in twelve months, what are my plans for 2008?
1. Keep sending out Marks of Repentance. After awhile, analyze whether the novel and/or the query package need another revision.
2. Complete revision of Quest to be Queen, get it out to critters and hopefully into submission in 2008.
3. Revise the opening chapters to Chloe's story (romance) and The Girl Who Cried Squid and submit both to the Genesis contest in April.
4. Revise both novels, send to critters.
5. Write something. Maybe two somethings.
6. Keep critting
7. Keep up with moderator duties at Forward Motion
Sunday, September 02, 2007
One Little Secret--Redux
I've been thinking more about Allison Bottke's novel, One Little Secret. Niki was unhappy that I gave the book a negative review. Her take is that, having accepted a free novel (thereby agreeing to promote it on my blog), I owe the author a positive review. I disagree with that. In fact, some books that have had multitudes of extremely negative reviews have gone on to become very well known, sometimes BECAUSE of the negativity surrounding it. So I don't think that one little blog in the middle of nowhere is going to derail whatever momentum Allison has found with her novel.
Having said that, I re-read my entry and discover that, in truth, I said nothing positive about the book at all. Was it really because I hated every sentence? No. The plot is quite tight, and Allison did a fine job on pacing and story-telling. If you enjoy novels about glamorous SoCal lifestyles and famous (well-dressed!) people, novels about women who rocket to musical fame from housewife to a well-heeled lawyer, then you may enjoy this novel. I've read drivel, and this is NOT it.
It just isn't my cup of tea. Well, no, I don't drink tea. Give me a mocha any time. But I digress.
Fiorinda, who also commented on that post, and I discussed via chat what it is that makes us like the novels we do. Some women love romance novels; some rarely--if ever--read one. Many women love rags-to-riches stories (or riches-to-greater-riches stories like One Little Secret). Many read chick lit. Some prefer historicals. Most seem to love contemporary. Some like suspense. And some of us love fantasy.
Why? Why are we wired this way? Do we choose our reading path, or does it choose us? If you know the answer to that, please let me know.
I've tried to do a bit of analyzing, which is never my strong point, in an effort to find out why I had such a strong reaction to Allison's novel.
Fiorinda mentioned that, to her, One Little Secretdid not sound like a fairy tale. It seemed more like The American Dream.
So, speaking of dreams, if you could have anything you wanted here in this finite life, what would it be? I'm sure many folk could identify with the main character of OLS in a desire for fame and wealth. When I picture the *perfect life* for me, I see a cabin in the woods beside a little lake or maybe a creek. It's not super tiny, but it's a long way from huge. The deer, elk and moose come to drink at my little beach (see the canoe there, ready for a paddle under the full moon?) We have a little garden and orchard that the deer and coons magically leave alone. We get out to town maybe a couple times a month, going for groceries, a great meal out, and any needed supplies. Our kids and grandkids live nearby, walking softly on the land.
Am I back in the 1800s? Not hardly. See the solar panels on the roof? Hear the generator powered from the little water wheel back on the creek? Look closer. See me sitting on the verandah of the cabin, mug of mocha in hand? I'm surfing the internet on my laptop while the morning sun warms the air and releases the scent of the roses.
What will I do today? Well, after writing the next chapter of the novel my publishers--and readers--eagerly await, I'll work with my daughter to get a gourmet meal together for the tourists who've come to our sanctuary--who've come to watch our birds, to paddle our lake and rivers, to watch our moose.
Is there more to my dream? Oh, yes, I could go on and on. But the point is, do you see how far my dream is from the glitz-and-glam of SoCal kind of dream? It's not that I don't have dreams worth pursuing. They're just different from many folks'.
So why do I read fantasy novels? Why do I prefer them over most contemporary fare? I guess for starters, they're more likely to take place in a locale closer to my personal dream--as would historicals, I suppose.
In a fantasy novel, the women have a purpose other than keeping fashion designers in business. They are real, down to earth. They have meaningful jobs to do, important roles to play in their little worlds. They may be skilled enough to pick up a sword and run the bad guy through. Or maybe not so skilled, but a cast iron frying pan in the hand of a determined woman can do wonders. There is always an element that magnifies or changes something from our world, something not necessarily magical, but fantastical. Something that stretches and morphs our imaginations, throws light on an issue so that when the reader is back in her OWN little world, the gleam is still there. A little takeaway prize like the trinket at the bottom of a CrackerJack box. The CrackerJacks--story--were delightful in their own right, but the prize, although small, is something that lasts a little longer, something to take out, turn over, and play with. Something to consider.
Why do you like to read what you do? I'd love to know.
Having said that, I re-read my entry and discover that, in truth, I said nothing positive about the book at all. Was it really because I hated every sentence? No. The plot is quite tight, and Allison did a fine job on pacing and story-telling. If you enjoy novels about glamorous SoCal lifestyles and famous (well-dressed!) people, novels about women who rocket to musical fame from housewife to a well-heeled lawyer, then you may enjoy this novel. I've read drivel, and this is NOT it.
It just isn't my cup of tea. Well, no, I don't drink tea. Give me a mocha any time. But I digress.
Fiorinda, who also commented on that post, and I discussed via chat what it is that makes us like the novels we do. Some women love romance novels; some rarely--if ever--read one. Many women love rags-to-riches stories (or riches-to-greater-riches stories like One Little Secret). Many read chick lit. Some prefer historicals. Most seem to love contemporary. Some like suspense. And some of us love fantasy.
Why? Why are we wired this way? Do we choose our reading path, or does it choose us? If you know the answer to that, please let me know.
I've tried to do a bit of analyzing, which is never my strong point, in an effort to find out why I had such a strong reaction to Allison's novel.
Fiorinda mentioned that, to her, One Little Secretdid not sound like a fairy tale. It seemed more like The American Dream.
So, speaking of dreams, if you could have anything you wanted here in this finite life, what would it be? I'm sure many folk could identify with the main character of OLS in a desire for fame and wealth. When I picture the *perfect life* for me, I see a cabin in the woods beside a little lake or maybe a creek. It's not super tiny, but it's a long way from huge. The deer, elk and moose come to drink at my little beach (see the canoe there, ready for a paddle under the full moon?) We have a little garden and orchard that the deer and coons magically leave alone. We get out to town maybe a couple times a month, going for groceries, a great meal out, and any needed supplies. Our kids and grandkids live nearby, walking softly on the land.
Am I back in the 1800s? Not hardly. See the solar panels on the roof? Hear the generator powered from the little water wheel back on the creek? Look closer. See me sitting on the verandah of the cabin, mug of mocha in hand? I'm surfing the internet on my laptop while the morning sun warms the air and releases the scent of the roses.
What will I do today? Well, after writing the next chapter of the novel my publishers--and readers--eagerly await, I'll work with my daughter to get a gourmet meal together for the tourists who've come to our sanctuary--who've come to watch our birds, to paddle our lake and rivers, to watch our moose.
Is there more to my dream? Oh, yes, I could go on and on. But the point is, do you see how far my dream is from the glitz-and-glam of SoCal kind of dream? It's not that I don't have dreams worth pursuing. They're just different from many folks'.
So why do I read fantasy novels? Why do I prefer them over most contemporary fare? I guess for starters, they're more likely to take place in a locale closer to my personal dream--as would historicals, I suppose.
In a fantasy novel, the women have a purpose other than keeping fashion designers in business. They are real, down to earth. They have meaningful jobs to do, important roles to play in their little worlds. They may be skilled enough to pick up a sword and run the bad guy through. Or maybe not so skilled, but a cast iron frying pan in the hand of a determined woman can do wonders. There is always an element that magnifies or changes something from our world, something not necessarily magical, but fantastical. Something that stretches and morphs our imaginations, throws light on an issue so that when the reader is back in her OWN little world, the gleam is still there. A little takeaway prize like the trinket at the bottom of a CrackerJack box. The CrackerJacks--story--were delightful in their own right, but the prize, although small, is something that lasts a little longer, something to take out, turn over, and play with. Something to consider.
Why do you like to read what you do? I'd love to know.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Book Tour - Coral Moon Day 2
In keeping with the posts I did on novel openings last week, I'd like to pretend that chapter 2 is the opener of Coral Moon and show you how Brandilyn Collins presents the character and setting. (The first short chapter is from the villain's pov, and we don't learn a lot about him: specifically, just enough to set the stage for the conflict.)
In this opening page we get a sense of Leslie's surroundings, both her home and what makes her community tick. (Kanner Lake is practically a character in its own right.) And we see what drives Leslie. This also contains about all of the back story from the first book that is needed to get on with book 2. Does the back story feel dumped to you? Is it a good, bad, or indifferent way to hook us into the story?
Yeah, I know...I'm ignoring the real chapter one, which starts with the words Kill tonight--or die. So in this book the hook is in chapter one (2 pages), but the line and sinker are in chapter two. Confusing way to start, but it seems to work.
Leslie Brymes woke to a promising day of argument and scorn.
She stretched, groggy eyes roving the master bedroom suite of her newly rented house. Sunlight seeped through her pink curtains, casting the walls and carpet a hazy mauve. Her flannel sheets were soft and warm, coaxing her back toward slumber...
She resisted.
As sleep morphed into awareness, her mind began to pop with names and workday duties. Eleven a.m.--interview Bud Grayson by phone. Two p.m.--Myra Hodgkid at her house. Leslie smiled, imagining the arguments of these opponents and the article she would write. Nothing like a little controversy to sell newspapers.
She slid out of bed and made her way to the bathroom, interview questions trooping through her head. Mr. Grayson, how much did publicity from the country's fascination with the Edna San murder have to do with your decision to build a hotel in Kanner Lake? Ms. Hodgkid, why do you oppose the hotel when it promises new tax revenue for the town? As hot water in the shower hissed and pounded, Leslie considered others she might talk to, the word count she would need. Above all, how to push her story from the Kanner Lake Times pages into bigger newspapers and onto TV. The national-interest hook might still have some life in it, especially with the recent airing of her interview about the Edna San case on Crime America.
For that, she had to give her roommate a lot of credit. Paige hadn't wanted a thing to do with any public appearances, yet didn't try to stop Leslie from being on the show. Paige knew how much Leslie wanted it to boost her career.
The twenty-five thousand dollars hadn't been bad either.
Leslie stepped out of the shower, anticipation zinging through her veins. She donned a bathrobe and towel-turbaned her wet hair, then parked herself in front of the closet, considering what to wear. She pulled out jeans with sequins and little pearls on the thighs, laid them on the bed, then eyed them critically.
Perfect for the sweater.
In this opening page we get a sense of Leslie's surroundings, both her home and what makes her community tick. (Kanner Lake is practically a character in its own right.) And we see what drives Leslie. This also contains about all of the back story from the first book that is needed to get on with book 2. Does the back story feel dumped to you? Is it a good, bad, or indifferent way to hook us into the story?
Yeah, I know...I'm ignoring the real chapter one, which starts with the words Kill tonight--or die. So in this book the hook is in chapter one (2 pages), but the line and sinker are in chapter two. Confusing way to start, but it seems to work.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Novel Openings - In Legend Born
Well, it looks like I'm playing this game mostly by myself, but that's okay. By forcing myself to slow down and look at some of these openings--slowing down enough to type them out--I've gotten a few ideas. I don't know if I'm successfully emulating the techniques or not, but my contest entry is about as done as it's going to get and will be on its way within the hour.
Here's one last opening from a novel that's a little bit older than the others I've posted: In Legend Born, the first fantasy novel by Laura Resnick (Tor 1998). (She'd written romance under a different name.) Anyone wanting to watch complex and compelling worldbuilding in action can find it in In Legend Born and the novels following it. Superb.
Anyone besides me want to offer any opinions on this opening? :P
Here's one last opening from a novel that's a little bit older than the others I've posted: In Legend Born, the first fantasy novel by Laura Resnick (Tor 1998). (She'd written romance under a different name.) Anyone wanting to watch complex and compelling worldbuilding in action can find it in In Legend Born and the novels following it. Superb.
The Outlookers arrested him less than an hour after his boat docked in Casavar, the westernmost port of Sileria. It was a poor welcome home after nine years in exile, but Tansen supposed he should have counted on it. Despite his Moorlander clothes and his Kintish swords, he still bore the unmistakable signs of a shallah--and bore them proudly: the long mane of dark hair, the cross-cut scars on his palms, and a jashar, the intricately woven and knotted belt which declared his name and history.
Under Valdani law, which had ruled Sileria for more than two centuries, shallaheen were forbidden to bear weapons. And so the two slender Kintish swords Tansen wore aroused considerable interest; indeed, judging by the spee with which the Outlookers had singled him out, alarm would not be too strong a word. Realizing the Outlookers were after him, Tansen ruthlessly suppressed the fear which pricked him at the sight of those fair-skinned Valdani in their anonymously gray tunics following him through the crwded, narrow streets of Casavar. He was no longer a helpless, ignorant boy, and he would not act like one by racing through back alleys and over rooftops with a pack of clumsy Outlookers in hot pursuit, destroying the fragile peace and abusing innocent city-dwellers.
Perhaps he should have hidden his swords, but he really couldn't afford to have them out of reach. There was no telling when the attack he expected would actually occur; he only knew that he must be prepared for his enemies at all times now that he was on Silerian soil if a Society assassin came for him, he wouldn't have time to fumble through concealing folds of cloth for his swords. He needed to be as ready as he had ever been in his life.
Now however, he'd have to do something about these Outlookers. The long years of his exile, the skills he had acquired, and the battles he had won now stiffened his spine and gave weight to his voice as he halted on the rough cobblestones and turned to confront one of the men he'd spotted out of the corner of his eye.
"Did you want something?" he asked blandly. Valdan, the official language of Sileria for over two hundred years, rolled smoothly off his tongue.
Momentarily caught off guard, the Outlooker now swaggered forward. "Hand over your weapons," he ordered.
Tansen arched one brow. "No," he said simply.
Anyone besides me want to offer any opinions on this opening? :P
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Novel Openings - Shivering World
I recently picked up Shivering World by Kathy Tyers (Bethany 2004). I'd read and loved her Firebird Trilogy so was eager to check out her newest book when I finally came across it. Here is how she handled the novel's opening:
The science fiction feel comes through strongly from the first, and conflicts regarding Graysha's illness and her fear of the *open air* planet are obvious. We see a little less of what Graysha looks like, but there are a few hints. Enough for a reader like me, who likes freedom for the imagination to roam. If you like more character description, do you have ideas for ways it could be woven in? Does anything already in the story feel data dumped...or merely necessary to set the stage?
The ten-passenger landing craft's hatchway admitted a swirl of foul, rigid air. Wrinkling her nose, Graysha Brady-Phillips gripped her seat's armrests and stared out a tiny viewport. Yellowish-tan crater walls curved upward close by, like the monstrous rib cavity of some prehistoric beast that had swallowed the lander whole.
So this was Goddard, humanity's newest habitable world.
Habitable being a relative term, of course.
A tall figure stepped on board--a woman, Graysha decided after comparing shoulder and hip widths. Swathed in a belted brown coat that hung almost to her knees, the woman dangled a second hooded coat by its shoulders.
In that instant, everything Graysha had heard about planetary surfaces became real. There was no climate control out there. The very thought made her head pound...or was it just due to hunger?
Under the stranger's quilted parka hood, brown eyes gleamed over a proud, firm nose. "I assume you're Dr. Brady-Phillips." She had a throaty feminine voice. "I'm Ari MaiJidda, with a capital J. Colonial Vice-Chair." Raising her arm, she let the extra coat slide onto Graysha's lap.
Startled by the woman's abruptness and chilled by the blast of outdoor air, Graysha stood up and eased into the parka. She took special care to settle it gently on her shoulders. Her legs trembled, which she attributed partly to the mandatory three-day landing fast to prevent acceleration/ deceleration sickness. That made it especially hazardous to someone in her medical condition. But even more than the fasting, she attributed her trembling to sheer dread. Panic gripped her when she thought about standing on an unenclosed planet.
This was 2134. Born in a comfortable, enclosed space-city habitat, Graysha had never visited open air.
No wonder Gaea Terraforming Consortium offered triple frontier-duty pay to scientists and technical experts. Orbital habs provided greater opportunities and better air than any of the three established planets--dying Earth, sulfurous Venus, or not-quite-terraformed Mars.
And now Goddard...
"Are you feeling all right?" MaiJidda broke into her thoughts. "I heard you're terminally ill."
Annoyed, Graysha looked up from fastening her parka. All travelers arrived hungry! "All I need is to break my landing fast, Vice-Chair MaiJidda. Spending three days without solids leaves everyone looking a little peaked. And my complexion is fair, even under normal conditions." She had tied back her blond hair. Rare among the increasingly interracial settlers of space, it usually attracted compliments.
The science fiction feel comes through strongly from the first, and conflicts regarding Graysha's illness and her fear of the *open air* planet are obvious. We see a little less of what Graysha looks like, but there are a few hints. Enough for a reader like me, who likes freedom for the imagination to roam. If you like more character description, do you have ideas for ways it could be woven in? Does anything already in the story feel data dumped...or merely necessary to set the stage?
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Novel Openings - Talyn
I thought I'd take a look today at how a first person POV novel supports the same elements of introducing setting, characters, and conflict (preferably without data dump). Here's a sample from Talyn by Holly Lisle (Tor 2005). I happen to count this as one of my favorite fantasy books and have read it twice. First I bullied my library into buying the hardcover, then read it, and when the paperback came out I bought it and read it again. But...I hadn't analyzed the opening before, and I'm curious what you think:
Some authors can't find a decent way for the first person character to talk about how they look, but I think Holly pulls it off fine with Talyn (not that we know her name yet--that's still to come). Even in a tight third person pov it's hard to work in a character description unless the character is quite vain and thinks constantly about every hair being in place. These folks are more common in chick-lit than in fantasy, where the emphasis is generally much less on fashion. Come to think on it, that might be one reason un-fashionable me likes fantasy better!
From Holly's opening page, we get a solid feeling for the setting and quite a bit about how the main character thinks (mostly by comparison to her companion, Pada). And there are hints of conflict to come. I've already admitted to this being a favored book of mine, so I guess it's obvious I don't think the data was dumped, but I'm curious what you think--and whether or not you've read Talyn.
Pada and I stepped out of the Shields building at twenty past the Dog on the last day of Madrigas to find shreds of the moon peering out from behind scattered clouds offering the only light on the dock. The air bit into me--my light uniform had been enough when I went in, but while I worked, early spring had given way to tenacious winter, and I was not more than three steps away from the warmth of Shields when I wished I had my cloak.
"Lamplighters are late again," Pada said. Pada has a great gift for stating the obvious. Conversations with her include such statements as "Ah, the tide is high" and "Well, the streets are certainly crowded today," which makes her wearing company to keep.
The whores who clustered by the front door late at night, hoping for safer custom than from sailors in port, gave us good even, and we nodded acknowledgment. We in Shields guard all the taak, and the lands beyond, and we thus represent all.
Beneath our feet, the ancient boards of the dock creaked and shuddered. Beyltaak has no money for renovation, but I wonder every time I step out the door of Shields, if this will be the time the boards concede defeat and dump me into the icy bay. To our right lay the warehouses--looming hulks of black against black, since the lamplighters had not been through. To our left, the ships--and I couldn't help but notice how few rose and fell against the wharf, their wooden hulls bumping softly at their moorings, their furled sails flapping in the wind off the bay. Poor business, and in spite of that, the inescapable stink of fish.
When we were past the whores, Pada picked up the thread of her previous narrative in midsentence. "...and then he said, "I would that you would, with me, just once, for I dream even when waking of knowing the pleasure of you.'" Pada rolled her eyes. "And then he offered me whole bolts of fine ribbed velvet in red and purple, as if I was some street tart who'd flop on my back for his bedamned rags."
I watched Pada from the corner of my eye. Even in the dark, I could see her fury. She's prettier than me--delicate and blond and fair, with huge blue eyes and the features that gather men's glances like flowers attract bees. She takes all such adulation as her birthright--as her due. But she thinks men should just admire her from afar, and give her things. "If you don't want him to make such offers, stop leading him around by the nose."
Pada stopped dead on the dock and stared at me as if I'd slapped her. I was watching the whores behind us, and the dark cluster of bones players before us, and movement at the mouth of the alley just beyond that, and I thought perhaps, whether we were in uniform or not, we might keep moving. None of those on the dock at that moment were the best of company. But no, Pada would have her dramatic piece.
"I?! Leading him around by his nose?! He clings to me like a motherless calf. And for this, I should take his cloth and bed him?!"
I decided to get moving again; unlike Pada, I do not trust the Shielder uniform to keep away all evil, any more than I trust my looks to turn all men to pudding. I'm tall, with nice eyes and features that people call either strong or angular--or sometimes handsome. My mother was a great beauty in her day, but all I got from her was good thick auburn hair. The rest of me is a female version of my father. It's a look that works much better for my brothers.
Some authors can't find a decent way for the first person character to talk about how they look, but I think Holly pulls it off fine with Talyn (not that we know her name yet--that's still to come). Even in a tight third person pov it's hard to work in a character description unless the character is quite vain and thinks constantly about every hair being in place. These folks are more common in chick-lit than in fantasy, where the emphasis is generally much less on fashion. Come to think on it, that might be one reason un-fashionable me likes fantasy better!
From Holly's opening page, we get a solid feeling for the setting and quite a bit about how the main character thinks (mostly by comparison to her companion, Pada). And there are hints of conflict to come. I've already admitted to this being a favored book of mine, so I guess it's obvious I don't think the data was dumped, but I'm curious what you think--and whether or not you've read Talyn.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Novel Openings - Daughter of Exile
This opening from Daughter of Exile is a completely different style than the one I posted Friday. I believe this is the first novel by Isabel Glass (Tor 2004) and it seems to break many rules. The voice of the entire novel is similar to this opening snippet (so at least it is consistent!) but it does evoke a lot of TELLING.
The things I see here are a solid setting and character descriptions. The reader certainly gets a hint of possible conflicts, but to me it did feel like a lot of data. Still, I read the book because it was recommended to me. Once I accepted that this was the book's voice, I was okay with it, although it didn't keep me riveted to the seat or up till three in the morning.
I'm curious what you think. Would you turn that one more page...and then maybe one more?
It had been fourteen years since Lord Challo Hashan was banished from court, but as the years passed he did not grow resigned. Instead he turned bitter in his exile: his once-thin frame became gaunt, lines of discontent etched themselves in his face, his mouth turned downward in a permanent sneer of unhappiness. His golden hair developed strands of gray, turning it a strange rusted color, and grew unkempt to his shoulders. His beard, completely white, fell to his chest.
From court he and his four-year-old daughter, Angarred, had gone to his manor house, Hashan Hall. Once there, though, he neglected his lands, and more and more of them had to be sold off to pay his debts. He spent long hours in his study, poring over histories and genealogies, trying to understand where he had gone wrong, trying to plot a way back to power. After awhile his thoughts would stray from his books and he would remember the long candle-lit halls where he had danced, or the king's great feasts of twenty courses. As if torturing him, his mind would present each scene perfectly, the straight lines of the dancers as they bowed and curtsied toward each other on the checkered marble floor, the delicious smells of food mingling in the air.
Angarred frequently discovered him bent over one or another leather-bound tome, the fat candles guttering in the drafty air of the study. With her father distracted Angarred grew wild, roaming the fields and forests in her ragged finery. She ran with Lord Hashan's packs of dogs or swam in the lake or visited the people who lived on his lands, some of whom had been there for years without his permission, or even his knowledge. She was tall for her age, like her father, but big-boned, more substantial, with thick red-gold hair that fell in tangles down her back.
Hashan could afford only three servants, all of them hired from the village near the manor: Rushlag the housekeeper, Elenin the cook and a steward they rarely saw. Rushlag would sometimes catch Angarred before she set out and try to bind her hair in plaits or mend the holes in her clothes, but Angarred came home in the evening she would have lost the hair-ribbons and torn and dirtied the dresses, and Rushlag, catching sight of her, would moan and wring her hands.
The things I see here are a solid setting and character descriptions. The reader certainly gets a hint of possible conflicts, but to me it did feel like a lot of data. Still, I read the book because it was recommended to me. Once I accepted that this was the book's voice, I was okay with it, although it didn't keep me riveted to the seat or up till three in the morning.
I'm curious what you think. Would you turn that one more page...and then maybe one more?
Friday, March 30, 2007
Novel openings - The Light of Eidon
I've had so many crits now on the opening pages of Marks of Repentance that I'm more confused than enlightened! There are so many things that the first few paragraphs must do: catch the attention of the reader, provide a sense of setting and a sense of the character AND a sense of the conflict to be explored. But please don't data-dump it. That's the biggest no-no of all.
So what's a gal to do?
Read, of course. Pick up books published relatively recently and concentrate on the first couple of pages. Is there a catchy hook? Can I see the setting? Can I see the character? Can I feel the tension? And was this all accomplished without data dumping? I thought you might like to explore with me. Today's opener is from The Light of Eidon by Karen Hancock, Bethany House, 2003:
This takes up less than a page of text. Does it work for you? What sense do you get out of this opening? What are you expecting out of the story? Can you see Eldrin, see where he is? Does anything feel data-dumped?
So what's a gal to do?
Read, of course. Pick up books published relatively recently and concentrate on the first couple of pages. Is there a catchy hook? Can I see the setting? Can I see the character? Can I feel the tension? And was this all accomplished without data dumping? I thought you might like to explore with me. Today's opener is from The Light of Eidon by Karen Hancock, Bethany House, 2003:
"Why do we serve the Flames?"
"To ward the realm from Shadow."
"Why must we guard our purity?"
"To keep the Flames strong and bright."
They sat cross-legged on the barge cabin's single, narrow bunk, facing each other--Novice and discipler--their voices alternating in a steady rhythm of question and answer that had gone unbroken for nearly an hour. Since the noon prayer service they had been reviewing the six codices of the First Guardian Station, codices Eldrin must know tomorrow for the final test of his novitiate. He had long since learned them so well he could answer without hesitation, but he didn't mind the repetition. Right now it was just the sort of superficial mental occupation he needed to keep his thoughts of...other things.
"What is the source of the Shadow?" asked his discipler, one bony, ink-stained finger pressed to the page of the open catechism in his lap.
"The arrogance of Moroq conceived it," Eldrin replied. "The passions of the flesh sustain it."
"Who is Moroq?"
"The dark son of Eidon and Lord Ruler of the rhu'ema. The Adversary. No man can stand against him, save One."
"And that One is?"
"Eidon, Lord of Light, Creator of All, Defender of Man. Soon may he come, and swift be his judgment."
The rhythm ended, and the silence that filled the void after it made Eldrin's ears ring. He noticed the heat again, the sweat trickling down his chest beneath his wool tunic, the stifling mantle of his long, unbound hair weighing on his back. A fitful breeze danced through the high, open portal of the bulkhead, carrying the river's dank odor and a disharmonious chorus of voices from the crowds on its bank. Thunder rumbled out of the distance.
Anxiety, held at bay by the long recitation, came oozing back. Soon they would be docking, disembarking, and marching up to the temple to begin the long ritual that would end with his initiation as a Guardian of the Holy Flames. Or not, if things went badly.
This takes up less than a page of text. Does it work for you? What sense do you get out of this opening? What are you expecting out of the story? Can you see Eldrin, see where he is? Does anything feel data-dumped?
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
The Celebration is up!
In case you were wondering, this month's Celebration of New Christian Fiction is now up at Jeanne Damoff's blog. Stop by Jeanne's to be introduced to various Christian writers and their take on where Christian writing is going, metaphorically speaking.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
WORK
Occasionally at work I actually WORK. I know this comes as a shock to some of my faithful readers, but it's true. In return for paying me, sometimes I need to do some pricing maintenance for my guys. Today I worked my way through almost all of the pricing guide of our major supplier. It's entiredly possible I'll be able to finish the other sections tomorrow; it's almost only ceramic tile left to double check, and I think one of the companies hasn't had an increase in recent memory. I did discover that I must have missed the commercial carpets last time I did this, though; there were some significant changes in that area. It's not an area that gets a lot of traffic, which is why no one noticed. I'll be glad when I have this out of my hair again, and can turn guilt-free to Mark of Repentance.
I've been playing out the opening scene for the book in my mind, trying to discover the way to lead into the story that provides both a glimpse of the world and a solid introduction to the conflict right at the beginning.
Here's the opening line of *Black* by Ted Dekker: "It all started one day earlier with a single silenced bullet out of nowhere." That leaves a couple of questions that beg an answer, doesn't it? There's certainly conflict. As an opening line, it is savorable. I'm on a hunt for my own opening line. Silenced guns aren't a big thing in my fantasy world, and there certainly isn't one going off right at the beginning. Or in the middle or the end, for that matter. Instead, I have a man alone with a ritually scarred face demanding to a foreign king that the king surrender. And then he walks away. And doesn't get killed. Lots to fit into that scene, for sure. And I hope it will beg many questions that my readers will want to find answers for.
At least it gives me something to think about besides price checks!
I've been playing out the opening scene for the book in my mind, trying to discover the way to lead into the story that provides both a glimpse of the world and a solid introduction to the conflict right at the beginning.
Here's the opening line of *Black* by Ted Dekker: "It all started one day earlier with a single silenced bullet out of nowhere." That leaves a couple of questions that beg an answer, doesn't it? There's certainly conflict. As an opening line, it is savorable. I'm on a hunt for my own opening line. Silenced guns aren't a big thing in my fantasy world, and there certainly isn't one going off right at the beginning. Or in the middle or the end, for that matter. Instead, I have a man alone with a ritually scarred face demanding to a foreign king that the king surrender. And then he walks away. And doesn't get killed. Lots to fit into that scene, for sure. And I hope it will beg many questions that my readers will want to find answers for.
At least it gives me something to think about besides price checks!
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